05 Awakening To Change

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AWAKENING TO CHANGE

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For everyone new to this website.  I developed this website with the help of my dear friend Robert Young, who has inspired me to share what I have to say with the world.

It is my hope that you are similarly inspired to share your love and light with the rest of us…

I believe this journey began when I was forced to deal with my anger, and found myself in a relationship crisis.  I of all people should have known better, having witnessed domestic violence and having been abused myself…In those moments when I lashed out with anger, I had begun to act like the abusers I so detested. I of all people should have known in those moments how wrong I was behaving, as I was once the recipient of that type of psychological pain, and knew what it once felt like to have anger directed towards me, and knew how wrong it was for my abusers to treat me in that way at the time. How did I forget that in those moments, when I lashed out?

I knew that I wasn’t the person I was becoming, and that I came into this life as a happy child, with loving energy, full of wonder and excitement.  So how had this change taken place?  What happened to that happy child?  How could I find him again, and how was I to reverse the course now?

While in the midst of trying to find ways to heal this wound, my wife and I found ourselves trapped in the thick of a forest on a hike that was supposed to last two hours, but by the fourth or fifth hour, the end of the trail was no where in sight. In fact, we could not even see our own hands in the pitch black night. My wife wisely suggested that we settle in near a tree for the night, and wait it out until the morning, to avoid getting hurt as we were stumbling into trees and rocks and ravines and ridges…

The idea of spending a night in the forest was initially frightening, given that the Allegany State Park is known for its black bear, coyote, wildcat, and apparently even mountain lion. We were caught totally unprepared. I didn’t even have a jacket but luckily my wife had hers, but we were without a cell phone, without a flashlight, essentially without food or water except for a bag of unopened potato chips and two empty bottles of coconut water. Why did I bring along that bag of potato chips? What if a bear would catch a whiff? Would we survive the night?

We nestled in between the above ground roots of tree, while clinging onto each other and praying and comforting each other for eight hours in the shivering cold of the enchanted forest. I intuitively found myself giving her energy, making her feel safe and protected, while also knowing somehow that she was going to energetically guide us through the night, and she did. That night turned out to be magical, and there are moments that I can still not scientifically explain. It is easy now to see why people believe that forests are enchanted, as they are. Those eight hours in the dark, in the shivering cold, reminded us of our true loving natures, and rekindled our love for each other, giving us renewed hope and revealing our true character to each other.

That night also gave me insight into how I could heal my anger, as it was not in my true nature to be angry, and I caught a glimpse again of who I truly am, and was reminded of my natural loving and healing vibration.

Since that night, I find myself seeking out the forest any chance I can, to be reminded of my true self. Few experiences can so quickly yield that knowledge, and feeling connected to all of life in the way spending time in nature can. I am also now keenly aware of how important preserving wilderness is, to remind us all of our true loving nature, especially at this time in our history when we find ourselves surrounded by fear-based content and insanity

Looking back, I can point to that night as a turning point in my journey to reclaim my true self, my loving natural self, which I now know as consciousness itself, where I now celebrate the feeling of oneness with all of life…

It ultimately took a journey within to lovingly embrace my fears and allow my conscious awareness to examine my fears closely, and allow them to organically heal from within. That journey is still continuing…I have only arrived at the door…but the path of mindfulness meditation, that I have been fortunate to find, has provided me with the hope that my true healing can now begin, as I take the once frightful steps towards examining my fears closely, and not running away from them, getting to know their structure, getting to understand their energy, their spatial relationship within me, he kinds of images that seem to be coming up as each new fear arises, and then ultimately to guide these fears to resolution, through connecting to them consciously, and unblocking the path, so that they naturally resolve themselves.

Nature reminded me of that capacity within myself, and spiritual teachers and guides have influenced my path and I share my influences here, and I owe much to the ancient Buddhist practice of mindfulness meditation that ultimately helped me to begin the path that I know will ultimately complete the journey towards resolution, in helping me to discover the process by which I could allow my own loving conscious energy towards healing those wounded aspects of me.

In essence, I learned to love myself again, and in doing so, I learned how to treat myself and others lovingly. I realized that I am the loving consciousness that had lost my sense of self, by identifying too closely with the content in my life.

It seems that is a common theme in our lives as human being…that we give so much value to content, and we think that we are going to find truth and enlightenment through content, and in the end we spend much of our lives arguing with each other about whose content is more correct, and arguing with ourselves even, and live a more tortured existence in that world that can only bring suffering or perpetuate a state of suffering.

In learning how to detach from the content, and realizing that the content keeps changing, but consciousness remains…that is the path of enlightenment…by doing so, we create a space that allows us to then work with the content without getting lost in it, and keep things in perspective, and find a deeper truth. That is the way to truly live in the now…to know that I am the observer of the content that flows through…

In this way, I realized that in trying to please my parents, I had tried to bend myself to fit into their patriarchal world view, a world view that did not agree with who I am at my core, and that led me to hold a lot of deep seeded anger and resentment and caused suffering inside me that was then felt by those around me, as I had blocked my consciousness from expanding and expressing itself, which would never have felt happy in a patriarchal world that is not in harmony with my essence…I could never be happy being anyone else.

I could only be happy in loving who I am, by being true to myself, my true self. In that space of conscious awareness I found my true self, and I could listen to my inner calling, which intuitively began to creatively express itself again…and I was once again connected to the beautiful mystery and magic of life…once again filled with wonder and excitement…once again back in the flow of life…where I could once again be nourished by the loving vibrations the universe has to offer…

It is my hope that through sharing my journey, and through what we cultivate together on this website, that we can provide a path through which we can all awaken to reclaiming our true selves, our innate loving nature…the light of conscious awareness that was always there…

I am also dedicated to preserving nature in all its forms, whether it is the forests we visit, the water we drink, the food we eat, or the air we breathe, or the electromagnetic free space we must aim to cultivate in this technology polluted world, to allow ourselves to have access and feel connected to the natural loving universal energy in its purest form…

What began as a journey to heal my anger, ultimately led to my spiritual awakening, and I am just glad to be here, at the doorway, so to speak, and will be sharing that journey with you all whenever I make significant progress. That is the purpose of this website, that we have a platform through which to celebrate the awakening that is happening all around us in this new age of conscious awareness, and beyond, and share our experiences in this process of awakening…

Ultimately, by awakening ourselves, we provide a place of clarity, sanity, and truth that will serve a greater good, as it will be felt by others, and will inevitably spread…as truth has its own power…awakening ourselves is thus an important way in helping to awaken others, as we are all the same…

In that regard, I would be honored by your contributions, and would be happy to share your efforts, as we journey together, and aim to raising our collective vibration…

ALEX (Awakening to Change)

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